As mentioned in my previous blogs I am a Manic Depressive. I take medication for the disease which is a mental illness. I used to get severely depressed before I was treated, but now the sickness is more or less under control. My depressions are neither as long or as intense as they used to be and they are mostly circumstantial.
But my husband had been very ill for the last one and a half years and that led to a lot of anxiety. I was afraid for his life and though I tried not to think of it, sometimes the thought would prevail upon my senses. It was a terrifying thought!
My husband did nothing to allay our fears. Instead he made them worse by talking continuously about his own death and the complications of his sickness. My son and I tried our best to encourage and reassure him but to no avail. When you are very sick you think of the worst. You are convinced that you would never get well.
This fear took its toll on me. I am in a state of anxiety now. Most probably. the tension of the last one year has caused an imbalance in the chemicals in my brain. I am so scared! "Of what?" you will ask me. Well, for the slightest reasons. I am afraid to cut vegetables lest I cut my finger! I am afraid to cook lest I burn my hand! I am afraid to get out of the house because I am afraid that I will not be able to find a clean washroom when I desperately need one.
You will say that these are ridiculous fears. I know that! But I can't get rid of them!
The solution lies with my doctor. He has given me medication assuring me that I will get well. I am taking them and on some days I feel good. But there are still some days when I feel anxious for no reason at all. There is no logic to it. It is a sickness.
My husband thinks that I am acting, and I am only trying to avoid work. Difficult to convince him otherwise. Most mental patients have this disadvantage. People do not believe them. It is a thing that they learn to live with.
Another thing they learn to live with is hope. I am no different. I hope that I will get well soon. Meanwhile I keep praying.
But my husband had been very ill for the last one and a half years and that led to a lot of anxiety. I was afraid for his life and though I tried not to think of it, sometimes the thought would prevail upon my senses. It was a terrifying thought!
My husband did nothing to allay our fears. Instead he made them worse by talking continuously about his own death and the complications of his sickness. My son and I tried our best to encourage and reassure him but to no avail. When you are very sick you think of the worst. You are convinced that you would never get well.
This fear took its toll on me. I am in a state of anxiety now. Most probably. the tension of the last one year has caused an imbalance in the chemicals in my brain. I am so scared! "Of what?" you will ask me. Well, for the slightest reasons. I am afraid to cut vegetables lest I cut my finger! I am afraid to cook lest I burn my hand! I am afraid to get out of the house because I am afraid that I will not be able to find a clean washroom when I desperately need one.
You will say that these are ridiculous fears. I know that! But I can't get rid of them!
The solution lies with my doctor. He has given me medication assuring me that I will get well. I am taking them and on some days I feel good. But there are still some days when I feel anxious for no reason at all. There is no logic to it. It is a sickness.
My husband thinks that I am acting, and I am only trying to avoid work. Difficult to convince him otherwise. Most mental patients have this disadvantage. People do not believe them. It is a thing that they learn to live with.
Another thing they learn to live with is hope. I am no different. I hope that I will get well soon. Meanwhile I keep praying.
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